Beware sweet poison in love affair

Interest in the opposite sex is a natural thing that occurs when you enter your twenties. Physically, it happens because you're influenced by increasing sexual hormones.

It gives effect to the emergence of mutual interest and feelings of love with the opposite sex, eventually trying to build a more intimate relationship.

Psychically, individuals in their twenties are in the midst of intimacy versus isolation development. Individuals in these stages learn to grow the ability and willingness to merge with others without fear of loss, or loss of something in them.

No wonder why the average individuals in their twenties are usually in a serious relationship, or what you usually call a courtship. But it doesn't mean the age of teenagers doesn't know the courtship. It's just that in adolescence, generally, the concept of courtship is only limited to trial and error or for pleasure alone.

Dating for some people can have a positive impact, such as the emergence of motivation to pass the day, grow the spirit, improve social skills and indirectly help you learn to develop sympathy and care for others, and train to be independent and mature.

Ideally, every couple who builds romance wants to take and give, and loves, keeps and trusts each other. But sometimes, there're many who actually feel sad, depressed, become dependent on their lover, feel not to be themselves, and social relationships with friends to be limited, or even disconnected.

If you already feel this, it's necessary to watch out, lest there's poison in the relationship you develop.

Toxins in relationships are sometimes invisible and unnoticed because the poison isn't forever bitter. The poison in the courtship is usually packed in such a way as to look sweet. This poison needs to watch out because it can damage yourself.

Here're some things to note to check the existence of these toxins that you can start from small things.

First, try to check the negative label given by your lover. Usually, negative label is easily detected from the call given by your lover. Consider the call given by your partner, for example, pug, copper, fat, curly, and others.

If it turns out to be found a call like that, then that's one poison. Calls with certain labels are sometimes considered romantic because it appears the thought that your lover specifically gives a love affection to you when unwittingly, the provided negative label can actually impact on the low sense of confidence.

Further, the second detection of toxins in the relationships is to notice emotional exertion and manipulation given by your lover. Usually, it can be found in everyday communication.

For example, "Alright, if you have no time to pick me up. But don't regret, okay, if anything happens to me."

Or in other forms, such as, "I forbid you because I love you. And I don't want something to happen with you."

Expressions like that, at first glance, seem your lover needs you and is attentive but actually contain a negative meaning. That's an indication of desire to control you. The phrase will give a strong emotional effect and can cause anxiety, fear, pity and sense of responsibility that you tend to always act in accordance with what expected by your lover when the action isn't necessarily according to your wishes.

It's the real purpose behind that. Usually, it's done intentionally to cover the shortcomings in order to gain control and power against you.

The third detection, try to note. Since weaving the relationship with your lover, how's your relationship with other friends? Is your time diminishing with friends? Is your friendship more stretched? Does your lover forbid and limit you to establish social relationships for no apparent reason?

If the answer is yes, then you need to discuss with your lover about a healthy courtship. A healthy dating, certainly, won't limit your wiggle with the social environment as long as it doesn't give negative impact.

Your lover will give support and let you be yourself.

How's that? Have you detected poison in your relationship? If you're aware of any toxin or emotional violence in the relationship, then it should be stopped immediately. Don't be afraid to give a decisive action, both in making decisions and expressing feelings of dislike with your partner associated with emotional violence.

It's not easy to do because the given violence doesn't directly affect you physically and leave a trace. This condition makes you have no thought of the real risks or consequences of emotional abuse. So you tend to let your lover keep spreading the poison.

Whereas, without realizing, the toxic relationship will give you a negative impact emotionally, such as, the destruction of self-esteem resulting in low self-esteem, social isolation because of limited space given by your lover, trauma in relationships, and even an impact on the decline of physical conditions.

It doesn't close the possibility that you, in the future, will be the perpetrator of poison spreader when fostering other relationships.